放过我吧

来到印度差不多三个月了，感觉自己老了很多，成熟很多。

那么多年来，不管日子再怎么难，我都撑过去了。来到这里也不例外。不管多么难受，我都硬撑，死撑。

这一刻，我不想再欺骗自己了。我真的受够了，累了。已经发烧八天了，已经过了八天不开心的日子，也错过了会让我开心的每一件事情。我每天都过得战战兢兢，不敢乱吃，不敢有激烈的情绪，不断用手掌贴在额头探温。每天都期待隔天醒来会是全新，健康的一天。深怕一觉醒来会无力，头晕或头痛。每天祈祷着同样的东西，却每天都被辜负。

还记得有一晚，身体发冷到差不多令我放弃的地步。整晚睡不着，不断搏斗。过了几个小时，身体却又变得火烧般热。挨了几个小时好不容易睡着，却又得从短暂的睡眠爬起来，像没事般如常上课。

去医院被人当人球踢来踢去就算了，而且还不只一天。被人抽了一大管子的血也算了，但病情却不见得有起色。明明感觉身体逐渐康复，却又突然发生让我梦醒的事情。本以为自己已经痊愈，特意吃大餐奖励自己。美食刚吃完，就马上感觉身体出现变化。天气同时转冷， 身体热起来，却又分不清是烧未退或只是身体应对天气的改变。

吃完晚餐，大伙儿很兴奋地嚷着去打桌球再吃雪糕。本应是难忘的夜生活，我满脑子只想着回宿舍洗澡睡觉，希望早日康复。

一位好心的学长骑摩托送我回宿舍， 让我不必孤孤单单地乘搭auto。实在感谢他。洗澡时满脑子的感概。尤其是想念认识多年的老朋友：立恩，俊杰，宁芮，淑玲。如果这时你们在我身边，或者我还在马来西亚，那该多好。想着想着，真的很想哭，但还是按奈着情绪。

你们啊，现在在干嘛？健康吗？愿一切美好。

回忆是最可怕的敌人

再也没有一首歌

比这首更能把这阵子的心情勾划得如此具体

分离

也许冰冷

回忆

才是最可怕的敌人

詞：吳青峯 曲：吳青峯

心疼的玫瑰 半夜還開著 找不到匆匆掉落的花蕊
回到現場卻已來不及 等待任何回音都不可得

微弱的風箏 冬天裡飄著 回不去手中纏線的那個
沒有藍天 又何必去飛 怎麼適合

黑色笑靨掉了 雪白眼淚掉了 該出現的所有表情瞬間掉了
瞳孔沒有顏色 結了冰的長河 回憶是最可怕的敵人

故事情節掉了 主角對白掉了 該屬於劇中的對角戲也掉了
胸口沒有快樂 斷了翅的白鴿 不枯萎的藉口全掉了

曾經唱過的歌 分享過的笑聲 在心中不斷拉扯
想念不能承認 偷偷擦去淚痕 冬天過了還是會很冷

黑色笑靨掉了 雪白眼淚掉了 該出現的所有表情瞬間掉了
瞳孔沒有顏色 結了冰的長河 回憶是最可怕的敵人

故事情節掉了 主角對白掉了 該屬於劇中的對角戲也掉了
胸口沒有快樂 斷了翅的白鴿 不枯萎的藉口全掉了

BTN Camp

I made a promise to blog about BTN Camp 2 weeks ago (LOL) but due to laziness, the plan was procrastinated.

Thank you Lee Chin for reminding me to blog about the camp (it was few days ago, haha). It’s time to work my fingers.

First of all, allow me to do some definition.

BTN = Biro Tatatnegara

BTN Camp = A mandatory 5 days 4 nights camp for all JPA scholars and whoever using government’s $$ to further their education overseas.

It’s a very controversial camp, with rumours (some are true) about racism and discrimination. Well, it depends on the facilitators, trainers and location of the camp.

If you are lucky enough, you can survive the camp without serious hardship. If you don’t wanna risk it, DON’T EVER ACCEPT GOVERNMENT’S $$ TO FUND YOUR EDUCATION. Go for other scholarships / use your parents’ $$ to study abroad / replace your parents with wealthier ones / study locally etc.

I think I was quite lucky because most of the facilitators here were good and open-minded, or at least they tried their best to act that way. Some were irritating, but not a very big issue.

The name of the camp is Kursus Kenegaraan Mahasiswa ke Luar Negara. If you didn’t fail BM in SPM, you can get a rough idea of what the camp is about. Basically the sole objective of the camp is to instil a sense of (or great deal of)patrotism into all attendees.

So throughout the entire course, you’ll get a recap of the nation’s history. It felt like attending history lessons in secondary school, the only difference is that this time, you have to prove that you really understand what it means by being patriotic. You have to do something to show that you love this country. Just try your best to ACT.

OK, enough boring stuff. I’ll let the pictures do the talking. I won’t tell everything here because 5 days is not a short period.

Duration of the course: 31 May to 4 June ( 5 days 4 night)

Venue: Kem Bina Negara, Tanjung Rhu, Sepang

(An extremely secluded piece of land, escaping will only put you into

another worse position, and very poor mobile signal, almost nil.)

The Dorm

16 person sharing a dorm, not something I enjoy…

My bed, the upper bunk

No wall fan around, super hot in the afternoon.

School boy-looking dorm-matezz

Daniel (photographer) and Ah Wong missing.

The formal dress code was short-sleeved white shirt and dark-coloured slack.

I know…

Auditorium

The super comfortable and sleep-inducing “theatre” where we

attended facilitators’ slide presentation and other activities.

People cramming to sign their attendance

Every aspect of us will be evaluated, contributing to 40% of total score,

the other 60% comes from exam on the last day.

Fellow Manipal-ians

Me and Chee Kit (the tallest guy I’ve ever met).

Guys watching girls dancing

We were asked to close our eyes and mimic the gestures of a musical conductor,

but it turned out that some were dancing instead.

I wasn’t allowed to use my phone to snap pictures, but since the facilitators were enjoying the show so much, no one would notice me doing that.

Tower for flying-fox and abseiling

I wanted to try that sooooo much but too bad, no chance due to lack of trainers.

Picture taken from inside of auditorium through window pane.

A comical scene displaying factors contributing to the fall of ancient Malacca

In one of the LDKs (Latihan dalam Kumpulan), we were asked to list the characteristics of the people in the picture. So we came out with “pembelot”, “pengkhianat”, “berpeluk tubuh”, “mata duitan” etc etc etc…

Then my group’s facilitator asked: “Adakah anda familier d’ngan semue ni?”

No one answered. Then he continued: “ Ini adalah sifat-sifat yang saye nampak dari diri anda semue! Kalau anda masih tak berubah, andalah yang bakal menghapuskan negare kite ni… … … Saye rase anda TIDAK LAYAK menerima biasiswa JPA… … Name Agong tak tau! Name permaisuri tak tau!… …”

Kembara

My favourite activity of all. It was the first and dirtiest and stinkiest jungle trekking ever had.

People emerging from the “hole”

Crossing leech-ful river

Eric, me, Stephanie and Vee Kee.

More climbing

We destroyed people’s vege farm on our way back to camp. Sorry~~ XD

Kem Bina Negara!

What a seclusion…

The first batch of survivors who made it back to the camp!

Back: Ah Wong, Vanessa, Stehanie, Vee Kee, Eric.

Front: Susu, me.

We waited for the others to arrive and were not allowed to take shower. All of us were dirty, smelly, tired, hungry and wounded. When we were released to have our dinner, I rushed back to the dorm to bath so that I don’t have to compete with others for the washroom later. After refreshing myself, I went to the canteen to have dinner with Eric. My group members left us plenty of food.

Million thanks for being so kind and considerate!

It was Thursday night, the last night there. I had the BEST dinner since arrival with Eric, later joined by Gabriel, Mizan and Christine. We stayed there until it was almost time to assemble at the auditorium for the last session with the facilitators.

On Friday, we were allowed to wake up and assemble late so that we can do last minute revision for the exam and to pack our stuff. The exam was ridiculously easy. I think all of us managed to pass. We had our lunch after that and waited for the buses to come take us back to KTT.

Back at KTT, I waited for a few hours for a van to arrive, to take me and some other desperate friends to KTM. Not long after that, we were already lying inside coaches, on our way to Singapore…

My blog is finally OLD!

Finally

the 100th post!

YEA~~!!!

Most people reached their 100th post within the first 2 years

since the establishment of their blog. But I reached mine after 3 years the first post was written. I know I’m slow.

But who cares?! LOL.

As long as I made it this far,

time taken is not important!

To celebrate, let me share with you something very very personal,

something I don’t usually share with people,

even the closest ones.

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I just received my new IC this afternoon.

Don’t ceh la, the story doesn’t end here. Continue reading k?

Before I go further,

here’s a little piece of info for those of you who haven’t renew your IC and are still holding the old one which you had it since 12 years old:

1. You can renew your IC between 18 y.o. an

d 25 y.o. with a payment of just RM10.

2. If you renew your IC after 25 y.o., you will be charged RM40.

Additional RM20 will be imposed for every subsequent year after 25 y.o..

OK let’s continue the journey.

The officer made a cut almost half-way through my old IC and put it into a drawer.

I wanted to take back my old IC as a keepsake but the officer refused to return it. According to him, the old IC will be sent to Putrajaya for further processing and I am not allowed to keep it.

Memories are not meant to last forever?

过去让它过去～～

I guess.

I forgot to snap a picture of “myself” in my old IC.

So what I can do now is just to take a picture of a photostated old IC and compare the old me (old as in last time, not the old OLD) with the current me.

Quit this page if you are not interested to find out how time can age a kid.

For your info, I’m 20 but

I AM STILL YOUNG.

LOL.

If you insist to carry on, please refrain from shouting, laughing, fainting

or having any extreme emotions.

If you really can’t help it, please keep it to yourself and don’t ever let me know.

Your co-operation is highly appreciated, TQ.

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2002 / 2010

Instead of growing older, I think I’m actually turning younger, hahahahaha,

probably because the first picture looks like the kind of picture my dad took in 1960s.

Most people were shocked when they saw the picture in my old IC, reasons unknown. One friend even commented that I used to look like samseng or the kind of bully you can find in school who really needs some lessons taught.

I think the only differences between the 2 pictures are my hair style and spectacles. The rest are quite similar.

All these prove that I did notage at all.

Hahahahaha.

What do you think??

Anyway, time passes and people change.

I changed, and am still changing, hopefully to the better (inside and outside).

By the time I reach 22, which is in year 2012,

I hope that I’ve grown to be a mature guy (I’m still childish sometimes)

who is independent, able to make wise decisions quick and

most importantly will look

this HOT!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… … … (continues indefinitely)

This is A DREAM,

and it will be the sole resolution for the coming years.

I know it sounds funny, stupid and impractical,

but for those of you who know me well,

I always make my dream a reality.

Enough nonsense truth, I revealed waaaaaaaay too much of myself today.

I shall not repeat such mistake again by being toooo off-topic.

Remember? This is my 100th post.

To say something more relevant,

I’d like to thank you for supporting my blog,

despite my constant disappearance and lack of update.

Coming up…

Updates on

BTN Camp

&

Singapore Trip

So

stay tuned!

XOXO

Harassment

Date: 16th May 2010, Sunday

Time: Around 7.30pm

Venue: Mid Valley’s bus stop

Subject: An uncle in his 50s

I had waited for a bus to go home for an hour. I wasn’t in a good mood and was sweating badly. Suddenly an uncle intercepted my daydream and started talking to me. He looked friendly at first, but things started to change pretty soon.

Below is the conversation we had. He talked a lot but I only remembered certain things. Before you carry on, please note that the following conversation is for people above 18 and contains explicit adult contents. Read at your own risk. Should you feel any discomfort, please discontinue reading and consult a physician/psychologist/counsellor etc if symptoms persist.

Reminder: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK…

It was very noisy around me, so I can only hear certain things he said. Most of the time I kept saying “pardon?” and “ar?”. We conversed in Cantonese.

U= Uncle

M= Me

(simplified and censored version)

U: You waiting for U71? (RapidKL bus number)

M: No, U60.

U: It’s very hard to get U71 here, only 1 bus every hour.

M: Same goes for U60. I had been waiting for an hour.

U: *knod knod* Where do you live?

M: Puchong.

U: Are you a student?

M: Yes.

U: What are you studying now?… (boring stuffs, so let’s skip to the interesting

part) Are you @#$%^? ^&*@? B?

M: Har???

U: Are you straight? Curved? Or B?

M: Har??? Pardon? I can’t hear you… (too noisy due to vehicles passing by)

U: Do you like girls? Some guys like guys, some even like both, that is called

B, bisexual.

M: Oohh…

U: What’s your name?

M: Alex. (lol…)

U: Can give me your surname?

M: Tan (LOL…)

We shook hands, and I regretted doing that not long later.

U: You know Mandarin right?

M: *shakes head* Nooo… (starts pretending as a “banana”, which I always do

when facing a stranger)

U: Then can you read Mandarin?

M: *shakse head and smiles*…

U: Like that ar… Can read English right?

M: Ya…

U: I can recommend some girls to you, all very young and beautiful etc etc… (I

forgot) You give me your number, come come *takes out pen and preparing to

write in his palm*…

M: *shakes head and smiles* no thanks…

U: No need shy shy la, first time sure like that one. Many people kept saying

no initially but after trying, they demanded more and more. Some even

requested the girls to send them their nude photos. You know, boobs, vajayjay.

COME LA, give me your number. I introduce a few girls to you. Be friends first,

then later see what you wanna do.

M: No need.

U: Come la! Why like that? You don’t wanna know some new friends meh? Be

friends with them la, friends only…

M: It’s ok, I have many friends already…

U: Aiyoh! Just a few more friends only ma… U have girlfriend?

M: No.

U: I see you talk very softly. You like guys right? I have some boys here also. They

“did” a few times only. Some very cute one, some muscular, sexy. Come, give

me your number, I send their pictures to you to choose. After you have made

your decision, you tell me. I arrange for you.

M: Really no need.

U: Aiyoh! I know one, guys who wear specs are very horny one I tell you. They may

look normal but actually they very vigorous.

M: *Ignoring and trying hard to look at buses’ number*

The fella kept talking rubbish which I didn’t bother to care. The things I wanted most was to go home and bathe, not some anonymous hot babes/dudes. So I carried on reading buses’ sign as there were more and more buses approaching, leaving that idiot outta my mind (too busy!).

Finally!

U: @##$#$%@#$&*&*%… That is called Sex Partner, @#@$#$$%…

I walked to the bus and climbed into it. Finally the world around me returned to its peaceful state and even better, it was air-conditioned.

In the bus, I wiped my palm on the seat a few times, feeling very disgusted and wondering if there’s any disease being transmitted to me during that short moment of contact.

Moral of the story: Don’t ever entertain strangers, especially those who showed

interest in you suddenly.

Ignorance = bliss?

Seriously… I dunno how things work.

There was a visit to Hospital Serdang this morning and there will be another visit to UM next Monday and I’m not involved in either of them. =(

The lists of students selected for each of the events were released few days ago and my name was not found.

I didn’t mean that my name MUST be in the lists but at least, I DERSERVE to be selected.

First,

visit to Hospital Serdang. Rumour has it that people were chosen based on their attendance in Kannada class. It’s true that I skipped some of the classes but comparatively, I attended more classes than most of the people in the list. Besides, I am very sure that I scored very well in Kannada Tests and I didn’t cheat! But I wasn’t chosen to join the trip…

Next,

visit to University Malaya. I wanted to join this one because of its Anatomy Museum (it’s not really a museum, according to my anatomy lecturer, it’s just a big room full of isolated organs…). It was stated clearly on the list that 50 students who got A+ in their first Anatomy Test were selected.

Truth is… I obtained the highest score in my class and still… yea you got it… I wasn’t selected to join, AGAIN! Second highest, third highest… anonymous all get to go but I’ll be left out.

Speechless… …. …. … I’m pissed…

I didn’t fight for my right in front of whoever’s responsible for the shits (pardon my language, can’t help…) because I was disappointed and I don’t want to look desperate.

You probably think that I should at least go try my luck and argue with the person who made the selection. Even if I won, what I’ll get is JUST a visit to a place which I’ll never study there or a hospital which I’ll get very sick working there for 10 years after graduation.

So what I did was, coming home this morning and only return to college on Monday evening, treating myself well with 5 days of good food and great life. I’ll watch a movie tomorrow with a group of best friends who I feel most comfortable with, and I’ll meet a friend on Sunday who I miss a lot.

Looking forward to REAL life outside the place which never fails to disappoint.

Suswagata, Jana & Dana

Ok… the last blog entry I posted was… er… nvm, see for yourself. For the past few months, I didn’t bother to visit blogger at all. Reasons?? No idea, don’t ask coz you’ll never get any answer.

Thousand apologies if you have been waiting for AN update, or you wrote something in your blog and expecting my feedback but instead had your bowl of hot soup turned into ice and I wasn’t aware of it until months later… =p

Anyway, I’m back! I hit the Blogger bookmark in my web browser last night and brought myself back “home”. Haizzz… the template looked SOOOOOO BOOOOORIIIIING!! My 2nd “home” looks like a haunted shack with thick dust covering everywhere, not to mention spider webs, rats, and the stench!

So, I vaccuumed everything unpleasant and lighted up the lanterns outside. POOOFFFF!! My Japanese-style villa is visible again! Also, I hired a ninja assassin to guard and to clean my house frequently.

OK, its time to get back on track.

P/S: If you are from KTT, please discontinue reading. If you insist to carry on, read at your own risk and hold no grudges after you finish.

It’s 1st May today, in less than a month, KI (Kursus India) will walk into history. Yaaayy! But before that, there are still lots of activities which i need to get over with *ish ish ish*. Coming up is the Hindi Night, and I’ll be performing a dance with my classmates. I skipped the dance practices and so have no idea at all how the dance looks like. Hope it’s not too sakai-ish.

Me and my friends will be flying to India in July (I think). We knew our placement in India, it’s Manipal College of Dental Sciences a.k.a. MCODS (Yaaaay again! Tell you the reason later…). Problem is… there are 2 campuses for MCODS, 1 in Manipal, the other in Mangalore.

Personally, I’m hoping to go to the campus in Manipal, though most people are anticipating Mangalore. Come lets study geography for a few seconds….

Yellow: India

Red: the state of Karnataka

Most (or all? not sure) of us will be flying to Karnataka, one of the states in south India. It has the highest literacy rate among all states due to it’s abundance of universities and institutions. And yes, Manipal and Mangalore are both situated near the west coast of Karnataka, where Manipal is to the north of Mangalore.

Lets zooooom into Manipal and Mangalore to have an idea of what’s around the MCODS respectively.

MCODS, Manipal is marked by the red pin (B).

It can be seen that MCODS, Manipal is near (at the scale of the picture above) to various sports facilities. One of the is the MARENA (not found in picture) owned by the Manipal University where it houses badminton courts, tennis court, squash, football field etc etc… AND golf simulators, gym and sauna. TOTALLY speechless…

Can see the MAHE Library? It’s the LARGEST Health Sciences library in India. Don’t play play…

Due to the excellent facilities found in the city of Manipal, it’s not hard to realise why I prefer MCODS Manipal more than the other one.

EXTRA: MCODS Manipal ranked no.1 among the dental colleges in India! …

The reason why most people prefer MCODS Mangalore more is that they can get from JPA USD700 in Mangalore, but only USD500 in Manipal. No doubt, money is an issue, but I DON’T CARE! Lol…

MCODS, Mangalore is marked by the red pin (A).

Mangalore is a big city, complete with train stations, airport and various entertainment facilities that define an area as a city. It’s easy to go to other places or cities from here. If you are looking for entertainment, Mangalore is the right place for you. But look at the map carefully, where are the facilities offered by Manipal?

I want to learn from the best and make full use of the facilities provided, that’s why MCODS Manipal is the better choice for me. But the power to decide is not in my hands. My (and the others’) fate is determined by JPA and Manipal University. We still don’t know which campus we’ll be going.

Despite the simple analysis I made about both campuses and my wish, my biggest wish is that I can go to the same campus with my close friends because speculation has it that we will be split into 2 groups, each going to a different campus. That’s the last thing I want to have in my life. Nothing beats going to the same college with friends.

Enough message for today. Thanks for your patience and we’ll meet (here) again. Tata!

Note: Suswagata = welcome, Jana = people, Dana = cow

Suswagata, Jana and Dana are Kannada words. =D

I feel like a loser

I'm currently working
at a hardware mart
punya accounting department
monday to saturday
8am to 6pm
earning pathetic pennies

not to mention
back pain, sore eyes, "extreme" climate
and frequent toilet visits

i want $$!!
and i don't wanna sit at home doing nothing
or go travel spending $$
that's why i work

i don't wanna feel like a loser!
(i define "loser" as being not earning enough $$)

i have to sacrifice entertainment
and sleep early
haizzz

time to leave

will have to face aunties and bitches again tomorrow
(one of them is a hybrid of both, and she's sitting in front of me)

haizz